I Pissed Off A Black Dude


I’d just arrived in the ČR and was on a mission. I was a black flamingo and wanted to find like birds to share that feeling with. I smiled and exchanged hellos with every black person I came across (5 on a very good day). I envisioned crazy bootie shaking nights out, evenings demolishing kilos of roasted meat without being shy about it and relaxed strolls talking about how beautiful but dusty sweet mother Africa is.

I did, but it wasn’t all smooth sailing. There are some truly crazy Africans over here! Misunderstandings were bound to happen and I left one alpha male royally pissed off…

I got on the Metro one evening after work and flopped onto a seat next to the only other black person. I sighed my tiredness away, turned to him and offered my hand. Hello. He responded with such enthusiasm that any misgivings his outfit had provoked evaporated. He was about 35 and spotted a beard that must have taken hours to sculpt. His hair, worn in a short Afro, and his loud outfit combined to give an air of exoticism. He had on a pair of navy blue & white-checkered trousers, a colorfully patterned shirt and a glittery waistcoat to bring everything into perspective. A pair of snakeskin pointy shoes completed his look. We launched into an animated conversation about our respective histories and what-do-you-dos. He complimented my hair, outfit, engagement ring (!) and the way I talked (I know…. I too have no idea what that meant). He was married to a Czech woman, I was engaged to a Czech man and he reckoned there was quite a lot we still had to talk about. Phone numbers were exchanged and promises to meet soon were made. He seemed like a nice guy.

I got a call the very next day with an invitation to lunch, which I declined (I work full time). I promised to call him sometime. Sometime took forever so he called a few days later. He sounded pissed off. Why hadn’t I called him? Why was I making empty promises? When will he see me? Our friendship (if you could call it that) had matured exponentially without my input - a stranger was laying claim to my time. His attitude stank and hell if I was going to go out of my way to make the time to meet with him. The calls kept coming. I turned down a coffee invitation (no time), another lunch invitation (it was maddening explaining why for the second time), a dinner invitation (dinner sounded too intimate but would he like to go to the beer garden with my Fiancé and I? - NO!) and a night out (I don’t go dancing with strangers). He accused me of intentionally avoiding him.

Out of guilt, I agreed to lunch a month and half later and it was a mistake.  

I could hardly get a word in edgeways. He owned a booming secondhand car export business and real estate in his home country. He wasn’t just another poor African John. He was his own boss and set his own working hours. He also let me know that yes, he was married but, NOT REALLY married. He was free to date. He scoffed at the idea that I was in love and countered with, “I know many Africans in mixed marriages who secretly have a bit of black flavor on the side."  He wasn’t going to let this go. I was still explaining just how over rated black flavor was when he cut me off to say, “White men aren’t comparable to black men”. Sigh! Feigning ignorance wasn’t working. I smiled. He smiled back and winked. I asked for the bill and watched his smile fade. He insisted on getting the bill. We shook hands and part ways and I planned on making that permanent.  

Days later, after several calls went unanswered, he contacted me through Facebook and it went South from there…

Black guy: Hi
Me: Hi
BG: I’d like to invite…sometimes
M: Invite? I don’t understand
BG: It’s okay if you don’t understand
M: If you say something to me....and I don't understand it...what is the point of saying it in the first place? So, it's not ok if I don't understand…
BG: For dinner
M: Aha...dinner...I can’t. It'd be weird to go for dinner with another man when I have a man at home.
BG: Does it mean I was stupid to go to dinner with u last time?
M: Last time was not dinner.... last time was lunch...and I don’t appreciate your tone....why would you go and use a word like 'stupid?
BG: It is ok, lets not continue with this


... I was just as puzzled as you all are...



2 comments:

  1. you left me wanting to read on and on hehehe

    Holy Kirabo

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Holy :). Ufff, summer is here and I haven't been able to post anything this week...will get to it quick :D

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