I Tried Something Different

The sight of a black woman dating a white man will have most Africans thinking fast and coming up with an obvious answer for the why. “She must be looking for a better life.” They are right but also wrong. Wrong because they reckon the black woman is a hard-nosed gold-digger, but right because she’s after respect, affection and security. She’s had it with dating black men who assume kingly airs just because they bought her dinner and fancy themselves irresistible Lotharios whose oats are wild and deserving of free rein in every female’s garden. Faithful African men are a rarity.

Don’t get me wrong. These men have a great side too. They are charming and fun. They might not kiss their girl in public but they’ll take her on shopping sprees and will not wait for her birthday to get her something nice. These gifts can be as extravagant as a new car. They’ll take it upon themselves to cover most if not all of her bills even when she’s holding down a good job. If she’s jobless, they’ll bankroll her business venture, mostly, a shop. That’s their way of showing love. Unfortunately, this lasts for a short time and comes at a price – absolute submission.

Once the initial excitement wears off, her ideas will be regarded as frivolous. She’s a woman and she must listen to her boyfriend. Visiting his place will mean cooking, cleaning his pigsty, hand washing and ironing his laundry as he lounges watching TV.  It’s nothing to be frowned upon. It’s a sign he is serious about her; letting her take on a wifely role. He will encourage long-stay visits to his place, but will then make night out plans with his friends that don’t include her, effectively ruining any ‘dancing with the girls’ plans she might have had. She’s the perfect housekeeper. He will not tolerate any questions about his attitude. She’s muzzled.

He’ll try to limit her nights out and she might protest. He’ll lay in wait and pounce as soon as he knows that a man talked to her on a night out.